What’s this? Another personal blog? It is quite crazy, right? That’s three question-statements in a row so I’ll stop there.
I am back again, and this time it is all thanks to Soul Pancake.
After the past couple of weeks where I have been thinking about things I decided to finally check out Soul Pancake. I was intrigued when I first heard of it awhile ago as I’m a THE OFFICE fan, but never went and delved into it. However, the combination of Rainn Wilson’s appearance on THE JEFF PROBST SHOW and my current mood really lent itself to checking it out. After a few minutes on the website I knew I had to order the book.
It came on Saturday, and I immediately loved it. It’s not a cover-to-cover type of read and it’s nothing you will ever finish. It is a perfect coffee table book, something to carry around, or a conversation starter.
Where did I start? The relationship section, of course! And that is what leads me to this blog entry.
I’ll start with the first page. A little introduction story about “soul mates” from Heather Armstrong:
I know he’s my soul mate. He helps me see things differently, and I think I do the same for him. And that means it’s worth it to us to work things out…
In light of my recent blog entries you can understand why that immediately peaked my interest.
Now, in no uncertain terms do I believe this person was my “soul mate”. I’m not even sure I believe in that term, although I once did. It was the line “He helps me see things differently” that got me. In almost all of the successful relationships I’ve read about that and “communication” topped the list of why things worked. I never was afforded that opportunity in spite of us communicating well and us being different enough to experience new things (I guess I should have tried that wine that one night, right? I thought I’d have had another chance down the road… wrong).
Again, no ill will towards that woman. I miss our texts and connection, but that line in Soul Pancake irked me because it’s the “what could have been?” that is now out there in the void. That’s all. It’s the groan you do from something you think could have been different in the past. What could she have exposed me to? And vice versa. I think there is some meat to that bone. We had similar enough interests with varying tastes in genres. The litany of things we could have exposed one another to… I digress, we don’t need to go down this road, do we?
As I leafed through the chapter I got to the writing assignment that I am about to partake in.
Hot for Humility: List Five Non-Physical Traits That Turn You On
It is, without question, my number one. It is an aphrodisiac in and of itself. I love intelligent women. That doesn’t mean they have to have an advanced degree and listen to Mozart, but it does mean they have to be open to things larger than themselves and be interesting to talk to.
Women who have a drive in their personal and professional lives are fantastic. They are not content to be a housewife or want to be a part of the Rockwellian portrait of a sub-servant wife. They push forward with wanting to better themselves and the people around them. Maybe they succeed or maybe they fail. That is not important. It is important that they try to be the best at what they are doing.
I would love to spend time with a significant other at any given opportunity, but I am not attracted to someone who needs that.
In general, I’m shy. I don’t feel comfortable in bars and/or clubs. Am I flat out refusing to attend with a potential partner? No. However, I would prefer if that was saved for a “Girls Night Out” so-to-speak. I shouldn’t be forced into a situation that makes me nervous and/or uncomfortable every time she wants to go out. Besides, everyone needs alone time with their close friends. Time apart is just as important as time spent together.
I got slightly off-track a bit, but yes… someone who isn’t dependent on the other. I love women who can do their own thing and respect that sometimes I like to do mine as well. Albeit something small like taking a walk in the light rain, or having to stay in on a Saturday night to cover a UFC event.
This is a strange inclusion as I can be considered cold at times, but I mean kind in general.
We all have the ability to be rude or mean to someone we don’t like, but it’s the moments out in public in front of strangers that I mean. Holding a door open, being courteous to servers, helping the elderly, etc. Those speak more to a persons character and it is an attractive trait. Showing they care for others is always welcome.
As mentioned previously, I am shy. I appreciate and find forward women attractive because it helps bring me out of my shell. And I don’t just mean in terms of being physical.
Maybe we are out and she is talking, laughing, etc. She would encourage me to join in.
In terms of being physical. I’m always afraid of the first move. Partly due to rejection, but more so because I don’t want her to feel as if I am looking for something more right away or to feel as if I’m being forceful. Having a significant other who makes the first move, or at least makes it blatantly clear she wants me to make that move (I’m terrible at reading “signs”, so I mean going that 90% and making me close it out).
After that glass ceiling is broken… I become more affectionate in the relationship. Especially in private. I wouldn’t hesitate to go in for future kisses, hugs, massages, etc. from that point out. However, making that first move is a point of contention for me. I don’t want to offend the other party so much that it may hinder me. I still consider that a good price to pay from being considered a dick who is only looking for physical reciprocation.
There you have it. What are your five? Feel free to leave a comment or tweet at me (@ACCBiggz). Who knows, in a month’s time these five may not be the same. That’s what I love about Soul Pancake. As you continue to grow as a person your views and opinions change. What you may say now may not be what you say at a later date. The book does not have an end. I highly recommend it and I hope to utilize my blog for more Soul Pancake goodness in the future.